And it’s not his fault, as a person. It’s the writers at WWE. And it’s not just them, either – it’s the guys running the company who are too afraid to try anything new that doesn’t involve John Cena on top of the company. These two factors combined, though, create some of the laziest and most awful writing in professional wrestling.

Tonight, John Cena saved Rey Mysterio from a post-match beating from Alberto Del Rio. This, after Del Rio had successfully defended his title against Rey and won WITHOUT any shenanigans. John Cena makes the save and rips Del Rio apart for being a coward by winning the title in a shifty way. Never mind the fact that the same thing has happened with everyone who has ever won a Money In The Bank briefcase, excluding Rob Van Dam who announced his match weeks in advance.

Cena tells Del Rio that there’s no honor in the way he won the title, despite the rules of the MITB briefcase clearly stating that you can win the title at any time. He also tells Del Rio that he’s going to have to defend the title ONE DAY, and things won’t go so well for him. One day? Like, this day? Three minutes ago, where he just successfully defended the title? And did so with no interference?

Do the writers even pay attention to the show that they’re putting together?

Let’s not forget that Cena wasn’t even the guy who was pinned by Del Rio last night. It was CM Punk – and Punk, at the start of the show, said that he had no hard feelings against Del Rio. He was just doing what anyone else would do and what Punk had done twice in the past. So, John Cena, the guy who lost to CM Punk and, thus, was NOT a champion finds himself cheated and furious when the ACTUAL champion is pinned by a guy who had previously earned his shot in an 8-man ladder match?

What the fuck?

This isn’t the first instance of Cena’s Stupidity, either. When Shawn Michaels ran out of money and had to work for JBL to feed his family, Cena tried to rally behind HBK. He told him, “YOU STILL GOT IT!” – as if it were ever in question. The storyline wasn’t that Michaels was second-guessing his abilities in the ring – it was that he was broke and was begrudgingly working for a jerk billionaire.

Not the mention the way Cena likes to just turn things around on himself all of the time, or the way he likes to ignore stipulations. Like the time he was defeated by Wade Barrett and would then be fired from WWE. He gave a tear-jerking speech about finally getting to spend time with his family, and then… showed up the next week? And the week after that? And so on and so forth until he found himself hired again?

What kind of role model is this for kids watching the show? A loud-mouthed idiot who doesn’t follow the rules and ignores stipulations when he doesn’t like the way they affect him?

I’m not asking a lot from professional wrestling. Lord knows the guys who run WWE aren’t setting the world on fire by crafting intricate storylines driven by emotion or character or even common sense. But is it too much to ask to have a little bit of logic in my pro wrestling?

Recently, for WBFF “The Beef” in Cincinnati, Bruce Trombley sat down once again with Rik Skarlett to discuss a new three-part series ready to explode everywhere except Barnes & Noble this summer.

But tonight, he hit on some cylinders that most viewers wouldn’t have expected him to. He talked about John Cena being overrated as the “best wrestler in WWE”, how Vince McMahon is destroying his own company due to surrounding himself with yes-men and ass-kissers and that the company will just spiral downward faster and further once Vince is dead and his “idiotic daughter and doofus son-in-law”. He name-dropped other wrestling promotions like New Japan and Ring of Honor. He gave a shout-out to Professional Wrestler Colt Cabana (temporarily employed by WWE last year before being misused and let go). As he was about to launch into a verbal tirade on Vince McMahon himself, his microphone was cut. He stood up, began shouting into the camera and then the show cut to black. Done.

It’s not often that WWE does something that really excites me or most of the internet wrestling community. The last time it happened was the debut of The Nexus, which they summarily ruined in a matter of weeks. That was almost exactly a year ago. Think about that – it’s been almost a year since WWE has captivated its entire audience with a compelling storyline.

After RAW went off the air, Michael Cole announced that CM Punk had been “indefinitely suspended” from WWE. I won’t discuss the spoilers for next week’s show, but it continues to build interest in this story.

For the first time since last summer, I (and many other members of the IWC) have no clue where this story could end up. There are so many twists and turns that it could take, and I just hope that the show and the story continue to be as entertaining as this single promo from CM Punk.

But eeking them out is the newest effort from Junior Battles, “Idle Ages”. The full-length is set to release tomorrow on Paper + Plastick, but the entire album is up for a free stream at AOL Music right now. I’d recommend you check it out immediately, then buy it from the P+P website in some format. I’m about halfway through listening to it right now, and after another dozen or so obsessive plays, I’ll probably come back here with a review. I just thought it was awesome enough to share, because these guys are one of my absolute favorites right now.

For more, check out their self-titled 7-inch at If You Make It.

Sure, there are a lot of things that somebody can rant on Impact Wrestling about: the (generally) terrible storylines; the overpopulation of legends/guys past their prime; the awful Impact Zone arena in Orlando; or even the fact that two of the most prominent people in the company helped contribute to the downfall of WCW – Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan.

But that’s not what this is about. Plenty of times, Impact/TNA has claimed that things would change in the company. It’s happened pretty much any time a new authority figure has come onto the scene – Vince Russo, Mick Foley, Hulk Hogan, Mick Foley again, Hulk Hogan again. This time, it sort of seems like they may be sticking to their guns when claiming that wrestling will indeed matter in this company.

Granted, a large part of this new slogan is likely a shot at WWE, who recently stepped away from the use of the term “wrestling”. In fact, the company is simple referred to as WWE now – not World Wrestling Entertainment. It’s Vince McMahon’s plan to further distance himself from the carny business of wrestling that he built his fortune upon. Unfortunately for Vince, people aren’t so easily fooled – WWE is a wrestling company and will always be a wrestling company.

At Impact Wrestling, though, it honestly feels like they are starting to build some new stars and to place a huge focus on the in-ring action. For instance, this past week’s episode of Impact Wrestling featured only two relatively brief in-ring segments. This coming from a show whose typical format was to feature talking for the first 40 minutes of the show before diving into a 4 minute wrestling match. Not only were the in-rings relatively short and to the point, but the counterpart to them was even more impressive.

Currently, Impact Wrestling is building to Destination X – a pay-per-view event focused entirely on its X Division, a segment of wrestlers who can be counted on to provide fast, exciting, high-flying action. Because of this, we’re seeing some new, young wrestlers popping up on the show in the hopes of earning a spot on the PPV. Additionally, athletes from around the world like Austin Aries and Jerry Lynn are making their presences known on the show.

In an era where announcers are involved in main-event level feuds on Monday nights, Impact Wrestling seems to be bringing professional wrestling back to Thursdays. They aren’t doing everything right, but who is ever doing everything right? They’re at least stepping away from the awful TNA name and presenting a different product than what you’ll typically find on Mondays and Fridays. In Impact Wrestling, you can believe that a young or new wrestler who connects with the crowd could become the next face of the company. As evidenced by Zack Ryder, the same can not be said for WWE.

TNA/Impact Wrestling has been given about a hundred second chances by wrestling fans, but this may be the one that finally sticks. If they continue to build new names through actual professional wrestling, they may start to see their ratings grow due to the fact that they’re embracing the one thing about this sport that the fans truly do love – professional wrestling.

Welcome to Wrestlelogue! This week’s topic is “Credibility”. It’s something that’s severely lacking in the WWE main event scene, and something lacking in the entire company of TNA/Impact Wrestling. We won’t even get into the latter – I don’t really have time to write a novel at the moment.

It’s basic story telling. For a good guy to look strong and dominant in victory, he has to have a suitable bad guy in his way. Otherwise, what’s the point? A good guy beating up a schlub doesn’t do anything for anybody, and it’s pretty boring to watch. The biggest schlub that WWE has fed us lately is, unfortunately, The Miz – and he was fed even more unceremoniously to John Cena and, to a lesser extent, The Rock.

The Miz, by all rights, could have been a big star as a cowardly bad guy in WWE. He came in and was immediately hated because he was a reality TV star, not a wrestler. This later became part of his gimmick – it wasn’t just the fans who hated him, but some of the wrestlers in the back. He “didn’t belong” in the business, according to some. But he stuck with it and became successful as a douchey, and cowardly, bad guy.

Eventually, The Miz would capture the Money In The Bank briefcase, guaranteeing him a WWE Title shot whenever he wanted it. He would cash it in on Randy Orton in the same way that almost every other MITB winner had – wait for the champion to be vulnerable and then pick at the scraps. The Miz solidified himself as an opportunistic jerk and captured the WWE Title… but then it all went downhill.

Lumped into a feud with Jerry Lawler, The Miz should have dominated. Give Lawler some good shots and a little bit of offense in their matches, but not too much. Well, that’s not what happened. Lawler, at times, was mopping the floor with The Miz. At this stage in his career, Jerry Lawler certainly didn’t need any rub that The Miz could give him – his job should have been to make The Miz look good. At the end of their feud, though, The Miz looked like a weak champion who could barely beat a retired wrestler in his sixties.

Then came John Cena. And The Rock. The WWE Title match at Wrestlemania would be John Cena challenging champion The Miz. Unfortunately, The Miz could have been completely absent from the feud, because the entire focus of WWE programming leading into Wrestlemania was on John Cena versus The Rock. The two traded insults back and forth for weeks while The Miz sat in the background, a footnote in his own feud.

Eventually, The Miz would speak up and take his place in the feud… only to be summarily disposed of by The Rock.

WWE must have noticed how poorly The Miz was being booked at some point, because they suddenly turned up The Miz’s intensity, having him layout John Cena several weeks in a row. It was a bit too late, though. They had already told the audience that The Miz wasn’t important enough to even be considered a factor in a feud for his own title, instead building tension between his challenger and a non-wrestler.

Once Wrestlemania rolled around, The Miz truly lost twice – his match with Cena first ended with a double count out when neither man could return to the ring before the referee’s ten count. Sure, neither man won the match, but The Miz, who should be able to beat ANYONE in the company if he is the WWE Champion, couldn’t beat his opponent that night. Suddenly, The Rock burst onto the scene and restarted the match – then laid out John Cena so The Miz could capture the victory. Again, the focus was placed on The Rock and Cena, with The Miz looking too weak to win his own battles.

The Miz would go on to lose to Cena three more times in a row – once in a 3-way steel cage match also featuring John Morrison, once in a rematch the following night and a third time in an “I Quit” match some weeks later. The “I Quit” Match is one of the most glaring examples of The Miz’s weakness. He spent an entire match beating John Cena with various weapons, unable to make the champion quit. In a flash, Cena rallied with a flurry of offense and, after being beaten for what seemed like forever, defeated The Miz in a matter of minutes.

Since then, The Miz has fired and begun a feud with his former protege Alex Riley. The feud has just started, but already The Miz looks like a clown, being beaten down twice in a row by Alex Riley, then defeated in a match by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, another WWE Legend who The Miz should have had no problem overcoming.

At this point, does it even do Alex Riley any good to defeat The Miz? The guy has become a punching bag and a joke for half of the year, and now the viewers are supposed to care when a new face in the crowd upends him? If Alex Riley beats The Miz in this feud, he’s just beating someone who has already been beaten by everybody else he’s been in the ring with. If he loses, he’s losing to someone who has been made to look like a complete turkey. The long-term damage done to The Miz through his terribly booked title reign may be a bigger detriment to the WWE main event and mid-card scenes than we can imagine.

Thoughts? Comments? Leave ‘em below! See you again next week, wrestling nerds.

So that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll Photoshop my daily activities into something much more exciting to make my life seem that much more fun. Here’s the first one. Am I standing around at work in my preppiest and summeriest clothes, or am I skateboarding through the cosmos?

Feel free to join in on the fun!

Since then, the band has drawn in thousands of fans as well as comparisons to legendary bands like Cap n’ Jazz and American Football. Algernon became one of the fore-runners in what many call the “emo-revival” scene. A ridiculous amount of hype began to surround the band, but all of it was true. Not only is their first album brilliant, but they sound even better live. And their fans go absolutely nuts for it.

So when the band announced that they were entering the studio to record the sophomore full-length, the scene was abuzz with anticipation. Winter was bringing us down, but Spring was on its way with a new Algernon Cadwallader album and a 2-month tour across the United States to support it.

As usual, the band did not disappoint.

Parrot Flies is a solid 33 minute album of jams to start your summer off right. The record kicks off with “Springing Leaks” , the band’s second-lengthiest song yet (the longest being the 13 minute “In Response to Irresponsibility” on their previous album).

This is as “jammy” as any of the songs on this album get. The title “Springing Leaks” is appropriate, because what follows is a flood of  catchy-as-hell guitar riffs and screams held together by the ever-solid Tank on drums and Peter on bass. This record feels much more urgent and intense than their previous releases. All of the hooks and fist-pumping moments are still there, but the band leaves much less room to breathe.

Gone are the slower melodies like those on their previous album. There aren’t any songs with similar vibes to “Horror”, “On Up” or “In Response to Irresponsibility”. Also nowhere to be found is the varied instrumentation from the self-titled album (you won’t hear any slide whistles or ratchets). Instead it’s 11 tracks of straight-up frenzied, melodic indie-rock. Fans who enjoyed those slower jams might find themselves a little disappointed in this album, but it’ll still be difficult to resist super-melodic songs like “Sad” and “Chewed Up and Spit Out (Into a Bowl)” and the insanely catchy songs ”Parrot Flies”, “If it Kills Me” and “Pitfall”. While somewhat different, it’s still an Algernon Cadwallader album. I doubt even the casual listener will be able to put this down after only one listen.

Perhaps the lack of slower jams and increase of intensity is due to them losing a guitarist since their last release. Or perhaps the band is just showing growth. Or maybe they just had a shitty winter like I did.

When the band finished recording, they posted the following on their blog…

“We’ve gone through a lot of changes and difficult times since releasing our first album. It feels like a new band sometimes. Or just been flying through our adolescence. I think it would be fair to measure band life in dog years.”

Whatever the reason, the band has still managed to create an album that, for many, will surely become the soundtrack to this summer and many summers to come. The record is frantic, catchy and, most importantly, fun. Seriously, you should get on this shit.

The band still has a couple weeks left of their 1 and 1/2 month tour, so make sure to check their blog and see if the band is coming to your town! And pick up Parrot Flies on CD from the band themselves on this tour or on LP once they return home at the end of this month.

-Justin Passino

Some friends and I decided to make the 6 hour trek to see them play with Bridge & Tunnel at The Cake Shop in Brooklyn, NY on May 14, 2010. A few of the other jerks who were going with me had already seen them play their reunion shows in 2007, which I missed out on. BECAUSE JUSTIN and ABRAM STINK.

Nonetheless, we loaded up Justin’s Mom-Of-Three Deluxe Edition Dodge Caravan and made one of the best weekend trips of my (our?) lives. We not only got to see the bands play in what was literally a cake shop, but also got to see their acoustic in-store sets at Generation Records earlier that day (a record store that may or may not have lead to Travis and my credit card information being stolen and used to buy trips to weird countries. The record store guys didn’t care, but we got our money back… eventually). In addition, we also saw some great comedy at the UCB Theatre, went to the most perfect place I’ve ever been to in Barcade (which is exactly what it sounds like – a bar where the walls are lined with classic and authentic arcade games), saw the bright sights and heard the annoying sounds of New York City and, most importantly, got to hang out with another friend of ours.

It was a super fun time, and I just finally got around to uploading it. So, without further adieu, here is “Bikes & Bridges”. If you’re lucky, I’ll post the 10 hour trip to Pittsburgh we took to see The Get Up Kids, which contains no actual show footage but tons of exciting adventures. Enjoy!

That being said, feel free to register so you can add your own events, too! It would help the site out a bit and would be a nifty tool to promote your stuff. Music, art, sports, whaaateevveeeerrrrr.

Thanks!